When a parent is beginning to think of ways to speak to their child about sex, they consider time and place. This is one of the few and rare talks that must be done under the appropriate conditions otherwise the result could be catastrophic. I would assume that most parents dread the day in which that insufferable talk has to take place. The talk must be done with precise care, but of course, the parent cannot come off as though sex is not a normal activity.
Perhaps some of the best scenarios to speak with a child about what sex is include the age right around 6th grade. Of course, one must take in to consideration that not every child is the same. Some may be at different maturity, physical, and/or cognitive levels. The time frame around 5th to 6th grade is generally where children are going to pick up what they hear from their peers about certain activities. Some children may go so far as to create perverse ways of explaining their theories on sex.
Some of the perverted children may confuse the more innocent ones and could potentially give them false ideas. This could have an effect on their future sexual activity as adults. So when children begin to spread vicious rumors, this would be the ideal time to begin discussion with them about the right and wrong of sex. However, if you speak to them too early on, they may become freaked out by sex and think of it as a "bad" thing.
The ideal scenario:
When: Toward the end of 5th grade
Where: At home after a family activity (game night, etc)
How: Using false diagrams (the stereotypical banana and condom visualization)
The key is to be punctual. One must not delve into too much detail or it may overwhelm the child whereas being too vague may leave them with more questions. One must always consider that this is a serious talk because this is also the time period where children are learning who they are and discovering their sexuality. This personal and self-exploration of sexuality is critical for the child to eventually determine who they are and who they want to be or be with.
Parents must always anticipate questions. Be cautious with how you answer them because you do not want to scare them away!
At the end of the ideal scenario, the child should know the following:
- It can be scary sometimes, so think smart.
- It is important, beautiful, and fragile because it creates human life
- It is supposed to be enjoyable if done properly
- Sex is for people who are in love
- Sex is always beautiful
- Sex=Love
I think the bullet points you ended with are so crucial!Sex can be scarry sometimes, its important and beautiful, and above all sex=love! I think so many parents are so freaked out by how nervous they are to have "the talk" that they just want to get to the anatomy and physiology of it and forget to focus on the most essential point SEX=LOVE. Great post.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree with everything you wrote! I loved the bullet points because those are a MUST tell your kids about it! I feel like it is a talk that its hard to start talking about but once you break the seal it becomes easier and easier. Also, the talk should open that trust window that kids should have with their parents. Great blog!
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree when you state that the parent should not talk as if sex is not a normal activity because sex is normal and there are many teens and adults who are sexually active. The parents should be addressing the things that their child may hear from other people of the same age or older. I know that sometimes my friend's older brother would tell my friend and I all these ridiculous lies about sex just because we were younger than him. I also agree with your bullet points. I feel as if parents should make sure that their child knows that sex should not necessarily be something that is done just because. Sex is beautiful and should be cherished. The parent does not necessarily have to agree with the child, but the parent should still be a support system for their curious child and their questions. Really enjoyable blog!
ReplyDeleteAround 6th grade is a good time for the talk and I agree the parent should do it to dispel the false information spread around by other kids. Because it will result in false misrepresentation and the child might perceive notions that have nothing to do with a health sexual practices. However I don't think it should be considered an insufferable talk because sex is a part of human life and essential and there is no way to avoid it. Therefore if a parent is dreading the talk I would suggest they relax and with good planning the parents can execute an effective initial talks regarding sex and set the foundation for future talks and questions the child may have. In a society filled with so much filth and disregard for the perverse ways sex is portrayed, I believe the parent should take a firm stand and teach their kids the fundamentals of what is healthy and acceptable and what is unhealthy and not acceptable. I also agree parents tend to go straight to the point of the anatomy, physiological, mechanical functions of the act rather than stepping back and focus on why it is done. As we discussed in class I agree that it should be a series of talks throughout the growth of the child rather than one conversation to give the basics.
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